Autism: 21 things NOT to say to a child with autism- -and what to say instead
A few weeks ago I shared a list of 21 things not to say to a person on the autism spectrum, and promised to suggest alternatives. Obviously the list of 21 things not to say are things that we ALL say out of frustration, and in the HEAT OF THE MOMENT AND WE JUST WANT TO SCREAM, and who can blame us? But here are some alternatives that I propose. Feel free to share your ideas:
Keep in mind these are all "in a perfect world" ideas. I'll never forget the first time I asked the speech therapist what I should say to Matthew when all he wanted to talk about cows, lights, fans and gates.
"It is inappropriate to talk about that right now. We are going to talk about something else."
Yeah, right.
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Here is the list of 21 things NOT to say to a person with an autism spectrum disorder, compiled with the help of members of my facebook autism forum:
wiki commons
Got Patience?
1. Shame on you.
*It depends on the circumstance. Let's say your child bit his brother. Calmly say "no biting," and separate him from his brother.
2. How many times do I have to tell you?
*No alternatives. Just don't say it. Don't you hate it when people say that to you?
3. Maybe (or maybe next time).
*"Yes" or "Not this time." You'll notice I didn't use the word no. I like to reserve no for emergencies, like when a child is about to run into the street.
4. If you are good all week, I'll give you blah blah blah.
*A whole week?? Even I can't be good all week. Instead, give praise for little slices of time. If there is a chore your child needs to do each day, or a behavior that he needs to master, give them a star for a job well done. Once they collect a bunch of stars, they can pick out a toy from your secret toy stash. Mine had watercolor sets, small Lego sets and silly putty.
5. What is wrong with you?
*Grrr...Don't you hate it when people say that to you? Instead, try "It seems like you are having a hard time. Is there something I can do to help?"
6. Focus.
*"Do you want to try this again, or do you need a break?"
7. It's not loud to me.
* We wouldn't say that, would we?
8. I told you yesterday.
*Just don't say it. Repeat what you need to tell your child calmly.
9. Wait just a minute. (Unless it's truly just a minute)
*"I'm just finishing this phone call, and then I can help you." Then get off the phone and help him.
10. I promise. (Unless you are absolutely sure you can do what you are promising.)
11. It's not a big deal that your Pokemon cards are out of order.
*Do you want me to help you put them back in order?
12. Look me in the eye.
*(We all know this is a no-no)
13. Stop obsessing.(It's like saying "stop breathing" to a child with autism.)
*I know you like to talk about airplanes, and you sure know a lot about them. We are going to talk about something else for a while.
14. Idioms of any kind, such as "It's raining cat's and dogs."
15. Shhh! You need to be quiet in here. (The guaranteed response to that is, "BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE QUIET!" at max volume.)
16. You need to wait.
*(see #9)
17. You'd better behave.
*See #4
18. Look at me when I am talking to you.
*(see # 11)
19. "Go ahead and ______ . See what happens." (sarcasm, however slight, is bad. Autistic or not. )
20. It doesn't matter, you still need to...
*"Do A, and then you can B"
21. Do you want a time out?
*Do want a break?
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| December 10 2010 at 05:12 PM
Sunday 12 December 2010
Autism: 21 things NOT to say to a child with autism- -and what to say instead : Laura Shumaker : City Brights
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